My story is like any other person's story who thought they had true love. I had all the right emotions for this guy, and I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with him.
Oh man, how I lied to myself time and time again. I admit I was young, but I fell into the love trap. It was the end of my 8th grade year and I was flirting with this guy, and as time went on we became very good friends. So when summer came around, he asked me to be his girlfriend. A month passed and we were, as young teens are, very shy around each other.
Finally, I grabbed his hand at the town’s fair. Later that night, before we said our goodbyes, we turned to each other and kissed. Oh yeah! My first kiss! Though it was a bit of a fail on both our parts. See, we kind of missed...
So you can see that this is starting off normal, right? Just your ordinary love story. But as time went on, I started to see him change. First it was little things like extra physical contact in public; then he asked for pictures of me with less clothes than I normally wear, but I didn’t know that I would end up giving him everything I had.
The most important rule I have is to devote myself to the person I love. At that time, I thought it was him. I also think that your first time is a special moment to be shared with the person you’re going to marry. I sadly gave it up to a guy who never really loved me for me or intended to spend his life with mine. That is something I still regret, and if there is anything you learn from my story, I hope you learn to save yourself for someone who you know loves you and will be committed to you for a very long time.
To be exact, we waited 9 months. After that, it all went downhill. Sex changes everything, and it really messes with your emotions! Now it was all we thought about, all the time. I began to have very intense feelings for him, and I forgave him one too many times.
That is when it happened. He told me that his mom's friend was coming to live with her and she was bringing her daughter with her, who was the same age as me. BIG RED FLAG! I thought to myself: This is not going to end well, but I brushed it off and went on with my life.
That next week was horrible: he would not look at me when I said something to him at school. One day I showed up at school early to see him like usual but he was not there, and when I did see him he ignored me. Like any girl I began to panic. I came home and cried on my mother’s shoulder, just knowing what was going to happen. That night seemed to drag on, then I finally called him, almost sobbing.
He answered and I asked him: „What is going on?“ His reply was. „Sam, I don't know... I think we need a break... I'm so sorry....“ What was I supposed to say? My world stopped at the sound of those words. I had been with the same guy for a year and seven months.
I dropped to my knees holding my chest because my heart was shattering. My future and everything I had planned, gone in two minutes. Did my life just end? What just happened? The next few weeks where hard. I did not sleep, eat, or even think. I fell hard into a depression, looking for a way out in any form possible. Finally, numb to the world, I hooked up with a friend of mine, who was not the best choice for me, and we dated for a good month before he wanted more than a hug goodbye.
I was going to make another mistake that would have just hurt me even more when my white knight came back to me. He texted me after my morning swim practice and said that he had something for me. When I got to school I was already late, and had no time to chat with him so he simply slipped me a note.
It started off with, „I am so sorry for what I have done to you, I know I was wrong for leaving you. And I now know how you felt when I started to date someone because that is how I felt when I saw you with him.“ He went on to tell me that I was the love of his life and he wanted nothing more than to be with me. Being the kind-hearted person I am, I took his sorry butt back.
Wow, did that one blow up in my face. Things did not go back to what they were before; I could feel the uncertainty and distrust when he spoke to me, but I lied to myself for the sake of keeping him. After about a month, I just had to know why he had left me, so I called him and asked him straight up. I could hear him breathing heavily; I knew he was crying.
The next thing I said to him will forever eat away at me. I said "No matter how bad it is, I will still love you, I have always loved you and nothing can change that." A moment passed and I asked him, "Did you leave me because you cheated on me?" With this he began to cry even harder on the phone. Then he finally muttered "Yes". I said good night and I love you and hung up the phone. The next day he texted me saying, „I do not think we should see each other ever again.“
First of all, you do not break up with someone in a text! Second, when someone is willing to give you a second chance and try to work it out, you should at least put some effort into it. So I called him, and the first and last words I heard him speak were, "My phone is about to die." I said „fine“, then I let everything out. I told him that I never wanted to see him again, then I know this next thing hurt him real bad. I said "No decent girl will ever want to be with you because once a cheater, always a cheater. You can no longer be trusted with someone’s love and I hope you understand how much you have hurt me."
And that was it, his phone died. My world ended that night; I had lost a good friend and my first love. All hope faded from me then, love lost could never be refunded, or so I thought. I tried so hard to leave this world and my pain. I looked at life as nothing, not a single thing was meaningful to me, so why live? And In my darkest hour, when death was but a kiss away, an angel was sent to me by chance. And now my angel watches over me and has rekindled my belief in love.
You never know what true love is until you’ve loved and lost it, but hope should not be abandoned: it’s closer than you think.